Canada’s Wonderland

Canada's Wonderland Mountain

Photo by Jeremy Thompson via Flickr.

Tom usually spends Saturdays catching up on sleep after working around the 90 hour work weeks he has lately. This weekend he had a 3 day weekend because of Canada Day (they worked Canada Day in favour for Friday off). We decided that because he had that extra day to recuperate we would bring the girls to Canada’s Wonderland for the first time. I haven’t been since 1998 and I remember it fully because it was the first and only time I have had a sunburn, so I slathered suntan lotion spf 60 on both the kids and I. Not Tom though because apparently he is too cool for school.

We decided to go right when it opened and stay until close to make a day of it since it will probably be the only family activity we do this summer due to Tom’s work hours. We arrived at 10 and bought some expensive breakfast $10 subs (each) and $20 Starbucks. Then sat and analyzed our ride plan while eating.


Merle is just below the height requirement to ride most rides that are not in kids zone so she was disappointed when she couldn’t go on the same things as her sister. Her and I decided to branch off and head towards the kids rides while Tom and Roo waited in the long line to go on their first roller coaster. We passed some geese that were just sitting and hanging out by the side of the walkway and I had to warn Merle not to scare them because geese may walk over and bite if she pissed them off. For some reason she likes to scare birds by making a loud noise, it started when she was small and has carried on. I think she likes their reaction. It is very embarrassing though.

Canada's Wonderland

I brought her  on her first ride and then she discovered they had a jungle gym area and I couldn’t get her out of it for 45 minutes no matter how much I bargained, begged, and threatened. I was not climbing up a rope ladder and pulling her out of a tube tunnel in front of that many people. Finally after she conceded I brought her on her first roller coaster. A funny little mini one that made me laugh when all the little kids screamed like it’s super scary. So funny but she loved it. Then we went on the carousel while we waited for Tom and Roo to catch up.

When they arrived Roo was totally green around the gills. Apparently she loved a certain roller coaster and made Tom go on several times in a row before they jumped on this super high, spinning ride. I think it was the spinning that did her in. It gets me all the time. I remember going on the Graviton when I was a teen and then barfing off the side of another ride due to a delayed response of the Gravitons’s spinning. Bleh. I had some kids Gravol in my bag because Merle inherited my car sickness and I always give her one if we are driving for longer than 20 minutes because she will puke everywhere.

We walked through the Dinosaurs Alive attraction area while we waited for the pills to kick in. Merle loves dinosaurs and these guys were animatronic so they moved and growled when you walked by a sensor. She made me read every single name and sign as we walked along and I distracted her so she wouldn’t see the area where she could “excavate” bones at the end. She loves that shit but Roo was ready to hurl and we needed to find a bathroom and I knew if she saw it she wouldn’t want to leave.

Canada's Wonderland

Canada's Wonderland

Fast forward to the pills kicking in, they began to complain about the heat. I didn’t bring their swimsuits because we agreed we weren’t going to go in to the water park but apparently Tom thought it would be a great idea and spent $75 on swimsuits at the overpriced store so they could go. The water was ridiculously cold, like ice water and they barely paraded around in a wade pool. They then went down a little water slide where Merle decided she didn’t want to get out at the bottom and held up the entire line because they won’t let another kid down until the area is cleared. I didn’t have a suit so I couldn’t go in a grab her so I was just like “drag her over because she won’t leave on her own” to the lifeguards but they didn’t. I’m sure it’s a legal thing but honestly I would have appreciated the help, so I had to send Roo in to wrestle her out. Time to move on to someplace where we don’t piss people off.

There was this splash pad area that had what looked like a jungle gym with slides and a climbing apparatus. There were these pull ropes that let you pull and drench yourself. I told Tom that it wasn’t a good spot for her because she doesn’t like to get her face wet but did he listen? Nope. He carried her over to the middle and I could here this bell sounding, when I figured out what it was it was too late to warn them. A huge bucket at the top was filling with water and as it gets full a bell rings….then it dumps down on everyone. It came by such a surprise that I lost sight of them as the water poured everywhere and then I couldn’t find Merle.

I knew the water had scared the shit out of her and instead of running to me it was almost like she teleported someplace else because I did not see her go anywhere. Full panic now set in and I was thinking “holy fuck, I have lost my kid.” Tom and Roo were walking around in a panic looking for her and I was losing my shit. I know I was cursing and swearing by the looks people were giving me but it is my go-to scared reaction. I think I was chanting “holy fuck” but I can’t be sure. Then I heard a man saying something about being lost and caught a glimpse of bright blue (her swimsuit) in the middle of a crowd that had circled her. I ran over and she ran into my arms where I thanked the man profusely for talking to her and keeping her calm. No more water park, we went back to the rides. What a waste of $75.

Canada's Wonderland

She appears to have fully recovered from the scare where I however have definitely not.

After a really late lunch we hit some more rides and we saw that Merle was big enough to go on the big boat that rocks back and forth as long as she had an adult so we brought her on. I think this was the highlight of her day. She loved it. By this point the kids were running out of steam. They won some toys throughout the day and I was stuck dragging them around on the stroller with everyone’s belongings. I played a packhorse yesterday. When Tom and Roo went on one more roller coaster I distracted Merle with food and “Mom and Merle selfies”.

Canada's Wonderland

They did one last carousel (because Roo hadn’t been yet) and then I knew it was time to go due to their tired faces.

Roos’ face makes me laugh my ass off. Totally unimpressed with the world at this point.

After causing a major scene about leaving we had to fireman carry Merle out to the car. Two minutes into the drive both kids were ko’d. Bliss.

Canada's Wonderland

P.S. this catnap caused Merle to be up to midnight. Good times :/


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