Is there such thing as a girl code? This is a question I have wondered for years. Even more so over the last year because I have watched several marriages and long-term relationships of those around me crumble and end. All of them had something in common every.single.one.of.them involved cheating. Some of these relationships ended quite unexpectedly while the others seemed a long time coming. I’m not saying that infidelity was the only issues of these relationships because you never truly know what is going on behind closed doors, but it sure as hell was a nail in the coffin. It has made me question something about women and our general loyalty towards one another. In my experience as a woman, life seems like a constant competition and I have no idea why.
We always hear about guy code. The unspoken rule that men follow without question. The rule states that other men’s significant others are strictly off-limits this includes someone they might not be dating yet but want to. We don’t have something like this. Yes, morally most of us know it is wrong to pursue a man in a relationship but that still doesn’t seem to stop some of us. There is this kind of disgusting artificial sense of superiority a woman gains when she is able to steal a man away from another woman. I’ve witnessed it and it saddens me. It seems that a woman not being a friend is enough of a permission to proceed.
I have never willingly entered a relationship with a guy who was already in a relationship. When I started dating my husband he was dating around. My room-mate who was also his friend warned me not to put all of my eggs in one basket because he had just got out of a serious relationship, so I proceeded with caution. What I didn’t realize was “just got out of a relationship” was code for on again, off again with this woman. I found out after we married that there was a time he was dating us both at the same time unknowingly to both parties. There were some actions that caused serious issues in our relationship and we had a really difficult first couple of years of marriage. I want to apologize to her for technically being the other woman but not knowing I was. I never would have if I had known. I am truly sorry. There are also some actions on your behalf that I wonder if you would apologize to me for if given the chance.
That seems like a side track but it ties in to what I am trying to say. I would NEVER have entered that relationship if I had known he was still dating someone one regardless of the relationships status. Because of these actions we really struggled in our relationship. To say there were trust issues would be an understatement. But some woman deliberately choose to enter these relationships knowing full well the they are contributing to hurting someone badly and are okay with making another women’s happiness a casualty.
So why do women believe things they are told by a man who his cheating on his wife? Seriously, I don’t get it. Our friends separated a year ago, several months later he was dating a younger woman that he apparently had met years before. They had met during a time this married couple were looking into having a child. So he was looking outside the marriage during a time he was also looking to grow his family. Several months later he and his new girlfriend got engaged and everywhere I looked was them spouting their love for one another. It was gross. I’m sure she doesn’t realize that she was just one of several during his marriage, not a special snowflake. They got married recently after just getting fully divorced (he must have made it by the skin of his teeth).
These stories seem like the norm now. How can a relationship built on lies and someone else’s pain ever truly work? It’s not easy being a woman and we seem determined to make it harder for one another. Why don’t we have a code? Even something simple as “Respect thy fellow woman.” I’m sure this would help prevent a lot of pain and heartache.
Note: This post may come across as preachy or judgemental, but it is more of a rant of frustration that stems from witnessing a bunch of ongoing bullshit.
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